I don’t know what words to use to describe what I am currently feeling. Tumultuous is the word I used on twitter. It means “excited, confused.” That’s pretty accurate. I feel like I worked and worked so hard on this. I poured my time and my soul into and there were days I felt like I would never finish it. Ever. There were lots of those days and I questioned if this was where I needed to be.

But typing those last words in that last scene, that was exhilarating. It was like…well, I can’t explain it but if you’ve written then you’ll understand. It’s so exciting being finished, seeing those last words come out of your brain onto the screen and then when it’s done…my brain kept screaming, “It’s done. It’s done!” followed by some exclamatory expletives of disbelief. That lasted for about twenty seconds.

Then. Then, it’s the horror. “I’m done. Holy s*** I’m done.” and “People have to read this now.” and ‘No one will like this.” and “What will I do now?”

Yup. It’s joy and then it’s sadness, not sadness but like a hollow feeling.

My first words to my CP, Christina, were excited and then, “I’m ready to edit.” (Yes, I have a Crit Partner! Exciting isn’t it??)

So, now starts part two. Tomorrow I will eat a cupcake, send some emails to my readers and try not look at my MS for a week. I need to step away and take a break so I can jump in with new eyes and new ideas. The work is just starting. I’m not naive enough to think it’s anywhere near perfect but hopefully, it will get there.

Tumultuous. It feels good.