An Undetermined Alice's Story of Paths and Writing and Nutella

Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

-Alice in Wonderland

I'm one of those people who practically live this quote. I'm not one who often knows where I want to go, let alone how to get there or what to expect next or even what I want to get out of where I'm going. I move from city to city as the wind blows, yet I love things to be scheduled and certain. I hate not knowing what to expect, yet I love surprises and dislike the sameness of life.

I'm a complete contradiction.

And that's fine. After twenty-four years, I'm used to it. I run when I should rest. I rest when I should run. I dream and think and wonder and then get frustrated for dreaming and thinking and wondering. I think that's why it's so easy for me to live this quote. I'm an undecided Alice who doesn't know up from down.

The only thing in my life (once I figured it out) that I didn't want to run from, that I wasn't uncertain about, that I knew the correct way to go, be it right or left or sideways, was (and is) writing.

I'm someone who loves a lot of things passionately. AIDS work, South Africa, Doctor Who, Supernatural (all tv, really), books, my friends, Nutella. (That stuff is CRACK!) But there's nothing I love more than writing--even on the days when I'm exhausted and frustrated and tired of trying so damn hard. Even when, like now, I'm faced with the in-between of starting something new (and being mostly unable to do so), of trying to move on from finishing something else, and of thinking about the future without thinking to much about the future. It's a tough place to be, but I still love writing.

Right now, I'm knee deep in  two things. First, I'm writing a query. Which is awesome, in that I-wanna-vomit-now way. I've written queries before. I've helped write many, many queries and enjoyed it. But it's so hard writing your own query. And it's so hard balancing the anxiety of "what could happen if" and "where I am now" and "here's this new idea, let's write it, but oh, wait my brain is just TIRED."

Second, I'm writing a new WIP. Well, honestly, I'm not. Honestly, I'm staring at this amazing cast of characters, this mythos that I kinda love and this one teensy plot thread that makes me very excited...but I'm writing nothing. I can't figure out the missing piece and I can't decide how to tell the ones I know because without the missing one, the other pieces aren't complete. It's a whole cycle of give and take, I guess. So, instead of writing, I just brainstorm and brainstorm and brainstorm and try to figure out why I can't write it.

That's more exhausting than actually writing.

I know it's part of the in-between--and I'm not complaining. I've always been in this place. My whole life. This in-between. (Seriously, this is not a lie. I am that person who's always on the brink of something that could be fantastic who gets knocked off before anything happens. All. My. Life. I'm used to it.) But some days, I WANT to not be here anymore. Some days, I'd like to cross over. I'd like to know which way I need to go and where I even want to go.

The hard part about that? The only place I want to go is a place that ends and begins with writing. And, aside from actually writing the story, I have no control over whether or not I will get there.

And I'm okay with that.

I am an undetermined Alice. Because as much I say it's okay, a huge part of me wants to delete that sentence! Sometimes it's not okay. Sometimes it sucks A LOT. But ultimately I get to do what I love to do. I get to dream and imagine and hope. That's kinda awesome.

Do I want to be on the big path so I can reach my dreams some day? Yes. But for now, I can't control the big path. But there are a few things I can do right now. What are they, you ask? Well....

Kitteh likes Nutella too! :)

First, I will dominate this effing query letter and make it rue the day it tried to cross me. Muahahahha!

Then, I will try to write this story with the characters I love and the plot line. Maybe it will figure itself out as I go. And if not, then I can put it on hold and work on something else. Ideas have a pretty great shelf life.

I will work on edits for my internship. I will go to the gym. I will enjoy the discussions at this weekend's Grimm Brothers Fairy Tale Conference. I will watch The Vampire Diaries. And I will eat some Nutella.

And I'm REALLY, REALLY okay with all of that.

Say Hello to YA Author Amanda Havard

When Danielle asked me to guest post on her blog, I was not only sincerely flattered but sincerely panicked over what to say. As I write this, I am two weeks from the launch of my first book, THE SURVIVORS, and after a lovely conversation with the master of this corner of the blogosphere, we thought it might be of interest to share some thoughts on what the publishing experience looks like from someone at my stage in the game.

At the two-week mark, the anticipation of the world connecting to my vision is killing me. The excitement of even the prospect that the world will fall in love with those I’ve fallen in love with radiates in my bones. I am just eaten up with the idea that, by the end of this month, I will have achieved what has been a lifelong dream.

Or will I? In following the deluge of tweets from the SXSW conference this past weekend, I kept hearing bits and pieces about the future of media, of books, of publishing, of, I don’t know, humans. Whatever kind of future aside, we kept hearing about the future. How we will survive in this future publishing world. How we ought to prepare to even try to survive in this new publishing world. Etcetera. Etcetera. And a bit more etcetera. One quote that got retweeted about 647 million times was roughly this: “Publishing is the start gun. Marketing is the marathon.”

It fueled a line of thinking I’ve been tossing around my brain for a long time: My book release looks different than most. It looks [what I hope will be] good different. THE SURVIVORS is blitzing onto the scene (or so we imagine it will) without an eight-month pre-launch buzz. It’s coming from a publisher you’ve never heard of (my trusty heroes at Chafie Press), from an author you’ve never heard of (had you heard the name ‘Amanda Havard’ before this post?), and it’s about creatures you’ve never heard of (Survivors. Capital S.). But when we launch, as we will in two short weeks, I have a lot to show you. I have research I want to share with you covering the myths and history and mania that led me to this story.

We built a website that’s got interaction all over it: I’m live-streaming the ‘soundtrack’ of the first book. I’ve set up world maps of all the places my protagonist, Sadie, goes in book one. There’s a community where you can “Become a Survivor” and set up profiles, talk to me, talk to one another, and really get into the story. You can follow the real Twitter accounts of my characters that have been running for over two years, perfectly in sync with the story line. On my new blog, you’ll be able to read about the basics but also the parts of the story that don’t fit between the covers—style that inspired the characters, character interviews, mythology that shaped the storyline, the life experiences that crafted the settings, the music that practically wrote the story for me.

They seem like the little things, but they add up to tell a story about the story, an account of the writing process. And perhaps I’m most excited to announce that there will be original music for THE SURVIVORS series. The first song will be released the week the book is, and by the next week, you’ll be able to download the song and music video off the site and iTunes.

And trust me when I say this is only the beginning.

Do I mention all of this out of shameless self-promotion? Actually, no. I mention it to say what you could be doing. What you might think of doing. What I’m experimenting with doing and, well, we’ll all find out how it goes. I mention this because we all know there has to be a Goodreads page, Facebook pages for you and for your books, and Twitter accounts for both those things too. You know that you can blog tour or network or have a book blog yourself. (I don’t actually have a book blog. I’m weird.) But what else is going to push your story into the relatable place? The magical place where people take it into their lives and want to hold onto it? Want to be a part of it? Want to think about it and interact with after the last page is closed and, if a series, before the next first page opens?

For THE SURVIVORS, I hope it’s that I’ve crafted a world eerily similar to your own. So similar that you think you could be standing on West End in Nashville or in line at the London airport or on the edge of Swan Lake, Montana and see Sadie. I hope it’s the original music we’re in the studio recording or the music videos (starring faces and voices like this one) we’re producing. I hope it’s that you can pick up the J. Mendel dress Sadie wears in the first chapter of book one at Bergdorf’s, should you have the desire. I hope it’s that you can have grown up in Tupelo, Mississippi and recognize the Main Street described in the first five pages in the book as the real thing. I hope it’s in the details. I hope it’s in doing what’s worked. I hope it’s in trying what’s new.

Two weeks to launch, and I’m working around the clock to try to make sure everything is in place to run the marathon. Crouched at the starting line, waiting for the pull, I hope I’m ready to go.

And more than anything, I hope you’ll run with me.

Amanda Havard has been telling stories since before she could write. She grew up in Dallas, Texas, where her first book was published in her elementary school library at age 7. She received bachelor’s and master’s degrees in education from Vanderbilt University. She currently resides in Nashville, Tennessee with her baby grand piano and more story ideas than she could tell in one lifetime.

Connect with Amanda on Twitter: @AmandaHavard
On Facebook or Goodreads
And on her blog at http://amandahavard.com

 

About THE SURVIVORS:

In 1692, when witch trials gripped the community of Salem, Massachusetts, twenty-six children were accused as witches, exiled, and left for dead. Fourteen of them survived.
The Survivors is the first installment of the tantalizing tales of the fourteen ill-fated Survivors and their descendants, who have been content in hiding for over three centuries. Isolated on a Montana mountainside, only Sadie, the rogue daughter, dares to abandon the family’s sacred hiding place. But no matter how far Sadie runs, something always pulls her back.

On a muggy summer night in Tennessee, she witnesses a shocking scene that will change her life forever. It is the first in a sequence of events that will drag her from the human world she’s sought to belong to for over a century and send her back to her Puritanical family and into an uncertain future filled with cunning witches, mysterious nosferatu shape-shifters, dangerous eretica and vieczy vampires, millennia-old mythology, and the search for her own mortality. After all…How do you kill a Survivor?

The Survivors will steal your heart and invade your mind. Fall into the pages of Sadie’s life, a world so frighteningly similar to your own, you’ll find yourself wanting to go to the Montana mountains to find the Survivors for yourself.

And it is only the beginning...

THE SURVIVORS is available March 29th and in hardcover, paperback and e-book format. Amazon and Barnes & Noble have it online.

For more information on Amanda Havard and THE SURVIVORS, please visit her website at www.amandahavard.com. You can read the prologue and first chapter of THE SURVIVORS here.

Leave Amanda some love & welcome her to the YA community! Or, ask her questions and I shall force answers upon her. :)

I Think My Heart Just Stopped...

This is awesome. You just need to watch it.

Many thanks to Myra and Victoria for tweeting it---and the boy I nanny for sleeping even though I cracked up.

"I've already written the first page. It's awesome." Right? Right?!?



"I've got a gun in my car. I'm going to go get it now."

Why write?

There's a question I get asked a lot by other people (and sometimes by myself) and when I hear it, I always cringe and want to hit him/her/self upside the head with a really big book. Nay, massive book. Now, let me paraphrase the conversation and you can tell me if it's similar to one you've had before.

Someone: What are you going to do with your life now? (Because being 23 and having a degree marks the beginning of the end and means I must know absolutely everything.)
Me: I want to write.
Someone: Write. *pause* What do you want to write? Like books or other stuff
Me: Books
Someone: Oh. *pause* What kind? 
Me: Young Adult paranormal. 
Someone: Ah. *pause* (note the change from "oh" to "ah" and the remaining pause) Like Twilight, vampires and stuff? 
Me: Well, there's a lot more to it than just Twilight and vampires, but yes...like that. 
(This is where he/she usually looks at me, head tilted slightly to the right or a shifting of the feet and one of the following statements occur...And yes, I have heard all of them.) 
Someone: Is there money in that?
Are books still going to be around?
Why would you want to do that? There's more opportunity in other kinds of writing.
(my favorite) That's ambitious. Do you think you are good enough to actually get published?
(the all encompassing response) You have to be really good to be successful and make any money. I wouldn't want to do that unless I had something to fall back on. It's hard to get published.

(Insert massive book against head here.) No, kidding. Usually, I don't respond because sometimes saying nothing is better than being horribly mean.

I share that not because I'm angry at anyone or because I'm upset by it. I share it because it happens all the time--and I have found that it is by people who think they know but haven't been in my life in five years. The people that really know me--my close friends, my community, my family--are typically more encouraging. Why? Because they know me. They've seen me have conversations with the voices in my head. They've heard me talk about books or writing or movies with passion. They've read something I've written or sat with me at 2 am while I cried about what I would do with my life. They see the change that has happened since I opened myself up to this and stopped running like a scared little girl. They are really the only ones that matter.

But it is hard when people point out all of the doubts that you already have. It is a tough industry. You do have to be good. It isn't a glamorous, here's buckets of money gig unless you are someone like Stephanie Meyer---and well, most of us probably won't be. If you think you're different than all these statements, I would encourage you to really, really think about why you are writing. Really. If not for me or for yourself, then for your readers and fellow writers. I've said before that writing is a community and if I was in something for the wrong reasons (like I was once in high school when I wanted to be the leader of something so badly but for the title and not for the right reasons), I would want someone to call me out on it. I would want someone to have it that wanted it for the right reasons.

Because if I was in this for money I would've quit a long time before I started because there's isn't money when you aren't published. There also isn't prestige or an easy ride to a publishing house. There are tears and words and revisions and characters yelling at you and encouragement and not much sleep and rejections. It's so hard that it's important to know why you want to do what you are doing. Life is too short to be passionless or moving purposelessly.

Why do I write?

Because I love it. There is nothing like creating something from nothing, nothing like mixing emotions with words and taking these snapshots of a life and putting them out there. It's something kinda beautiful.

Because not writing would kill me.

Because even if I'm never more than a blogger who reads books and tweets and writes for myself, I'll still love it. I'll still always write.

Because it's a part me. And we have a history. It's like that line in Wuthering Heights: "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." I'm talking about writing but the sentiment is the same.


Because there is this hope that I cling to that everything in life has a purpose--we just have to discover it and then pursue it fervently.

Because words are powerful. So powerful. And I have a story to tell and I want it to be the best story I can tell. The best.

Because I love stories. They have changed me, shaped me, challenged and taught me. I have laughed and cried and seen others do the same.

And because I have one goal that is two words: one person. For me, the blogging, the interviews, the lack of sleep, the discouragement and the encouragement, the failing, the discovery, the possible success has that one goal. If one person reads something and is helped or encouraged or challenged--if something changes them or relates to them or makes them see something in a new light--then I have achieved my life's goal to write something valuable for one person. Sometimes that one person may be myself--and I'm okay with that.

So please, for the sake of good stories and lives and powerful words, ask yourself this question and answer it honestly: why write?

Publishing and Professionalism

I read a lot of blogs from great (mostly ladies) authors who challenge me with their thoughts AND who say the most profound things in the world. Really. Things that I need to hear, never knew or just love reading about.

Today, it's these two.

Kim Harrington has a new post this week (one a day) with everything you need to know about being published.

And, the lovely Hannah Moskowitz posted a blog about professionalism.

Read it. Absorb it. Pass it on.

Thoughts?

Taking a stab

I'm taking a stab? At what? Query.

Well, not the full-out, official query, but a summary. Why? B/c I have nothing to say when people ask me what my book is about. So, this should help.

I also need a query for my writing conference in October. This is a step in the right direction.

I feel as if this will help me narrow my focus and even, develop my story. I'm in a place now where things are muddled, never-ending. I know what to do and even how to do it, but there's something missing. The clues are all there but this query summary will help. I know it.

This part of the process is kind of disheartening. I so badly want to finish. The rest of my novel is in my head just dying and fighting to come out. I want it to come out. Now, is the time to make it happen.

So, onward friends. Let's go query, part one.