Stepping Away and Starting Over

I am writing three books right now. And revising - or soon to be revising - three other books right now.  Plus playing editor for all my fantastic authors! And working.

I'm a little crazy right now.

I didn't plan to be writing three books, but here we are. I guess in my defense, I am only actually writing one, book two of the trilogy. The other two books (SALT 2 and my love affair nicknamed SUPERB) I am crazy-detail outlining. I'm doing this while I wait for edits on DAYS (my newly finished MS), FMTD and SALT. And while it seems crazy to be writing so many things at once, I have never done it before and it's oddly satisfying.

And wow, second books are scary. (And exciting!) (But also scary.)

WAY back in October, I wrote this post that my WIP for Boundless 2 didn't feel right. Then, in December, my editor politely helped me see that the almost-finished version of B2 was best suited for the trash. She said to me, "I don't think this is the right story," and I knew she was right. I have to admit that while throwing out 60k words was a hard loss, but this weekend I started writing it anew (after some intense plotting) and I know after only being three chapters into this new draft that starting over was a great decision.

Before I could dive in, I knew I needed to step away. I was so frustrated at that draft that I was burnt out. I didn't want to write because it was so hard (mostly due to the fact that I was telling the wrong story.) I didn't want to start over, right or not. Plus, I started Follow Me Through Darkness in 2010. I'd lived in that world for years, with reprieve only during SALT, and I for the sake of sanity and quality I needed a break.

I had this other project sitting in my head and deadlines that run through early 2014, so it was the only chance I had to write something else. From December to April, I wrote DAYS (not real title.) DAYS is totally, totally different. A contemp from dual POV and out of my comfort zone but it did a really great thing: it reminded me why I love writing. It gave me joy again, brought me comfort, excitement and sparked something awake while the world of B2 took a rest.

DAYS is with my CPs and now I have started outlining SALT2 and SUPERB. I don't really have time to write SUPERB, but it is this great love of my heart that keeps me going when I need to switch gears from B2 or need help getting out of that Neely's head. (She is intense.)

The great thing about taking a break before I started writing B2 has been that I now see things more clearly. Aspects of the world that I forgot or didn't see before are vibrant. Two months stands between FMTD & B2 so sometimes I have to look back on the first book and see what happened, which is what a reader has to do and why authors add those recaps of previous books. Neely has changed a lot in those two months. I feel, that since I have changed too, it's easier to connect with her. Plus, I actually just started but I have 16k because there are things from previous drafts that I get to keep!

Sometimes things seem overwhelming -- like throwing out a whole book -- but don't underestimate the directions they will take you. Or the people who suggest them. Especially if it's your editor! Editors know what they are doing! Trust him/her/them. You are a team.

And as far as writing: it always has to be for you. This is what I am learning. Yes, I have deadlines and I'm not going to miss them, but I can write other things too. When writing stops being enjoyable, then it translates into the story you are writing. So find joy, be happy, have fun, write!

Oh, and enjoy these gifs...because everything is better and happier with Dean Winchester.

Trust Your Gut

It didn't FEEL right...and that's where it all started.

Well, actually, it all started with October. This has been the crappiest, most challenging month EVER. Seriously. I don't know how I'm still breathing and really, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear. Or sell all my belongings and go live on a street corner in London. (but that option seems less safe as winter approaches.)

I won't go on a rant about all the ways life has been slowly plucking away at my sanity (just know there are many) and instead I will say: I get to re-start book two. This really should be no surprise, but gosh does it suck.

I had some of my CPs read it, and they liked it, but the four hours I would spend staring at the screen and trying to write a single sentence, well, that was my first warning that something was wrong. When a story is right it flows. Sure, there are rough spots, but it's natural. Rule of thumb: if you have to force your story then you are telling it wrong, or doing something the character doesn't like/wouldn't do.

Anyway, I'm almost at 20k and really proud, when I realize something is wrong. The story isn't flowing. And while I couldn't tell anyone what was wrong--which is always the worst, worst, worst part of it--I felt it. I felt it when I talked about the story. When I tried to write. When I read it. It was WRONG.

Then I had people ask me some hard questions. And I really had to think about what I'd always planned for this story to be--not just the arc of this book, but the character arc. And I cried. (A LOT, as goes my October.) I took notes. I asked questions. I really thought about what I wanted to do, and not how the hell I was going to fix it. I mean, I had the whole book plotted and I like it, on paper, so what is the problem? I should be able to do this. Simple: something felt wrong.

I asked twitter what to do when it felt wrong. Jessica Spotswood  said "I go back to the last place it felt RIGHT and make different choices. Usually, I took a wrong turn somewhere."

ding ding ding!!

I thought about it, and I don't think it ever felt "RIGHT." Now, yes, some pieces of the story felt like the could still work, but the whole overarching story arc--that was never any good. I couldn't pinpoint anything about it that felt like my story. So, therein lie the problem. I don't think I was telling the story I wanted to tell, the story my MC wanted to tell, and it wasn't working. It felt wrong.

What did feel right?

Well, I'm still not entirely sure. I have some ideas, all of which center around my MC and her journey, but I have no idea what the rest of the picture is. I don't know. I'm still figuring it out. But the funny part is even though I don't have the answer, I know that stopping and changing direction is good because it feels right. 

Change is hard. Especially when you have a deadline and pressure and you have a beautiful wall full of multi-colored post-it notes. But when something is wrong, trust it. Starting over after 20k sucks. Rewriting seven times sucks even more. Telling the story that you don't want to tell would suck worse than that.  Obviously, I'm still working on telling the right story. But, despite all my angst and all the tears and stress over the last couple days, I can tell I will find it. Somehow. Some way.

Writing is hard. Life is hard. "Everything will work out," is the cliche I'm clinging to in both scenarios.

On My Method of Plotting

The problem with plotting occurs when I don't. 

Seriously.

I am apparently that writer now, at least to an extent, who has to plot. Which is really funny because I don't know how that happened. (Actually, I do know how that happened. It was during FMTD when Patricia and I were trying to replot a story line and she was like, "I have markers; let's draw it out.)  I had an "outline" (though I hate that word. I need a new one if anyone has a suggestion!) for Hotboyalicious, and one for the contemp I started before the book deal.

Somehow my brain has reprogrammed! But, in all honesty, I have been procrastinating because I don't want to be a plotter. It feels like so much work, even though it's less time to write things out than it is to stare a blank screen over and over and over again. The great thing about plotting, for me, is that I have direction. I don't waste time staring at that stupid blank screen and analyzing what happens next. I just get to write--and I write a lot faster because of it.

I was talking to Crystal on twitter, who is one of my TV show friends, when we started talking about plotting. I was explaining to her my method and it literally got me so excited that I ran downstairs to grab my plotting goodies. AND, since I had already started this post, it seemed like a good opportunity to show yall how I plot. Or, how I try to plot. Maybe it will help you find a way to navigate through your story the way it helps me.

*please note, these are pictures from my own plotting. One is the sequel and one is another book. Please be respectful or I *will* take them down.*

Step 1: The Tools (For me: Markers and Really Big Paper)
I like markers because they are FUN. And let's be honest: anything to make it fun is better.

© Danielle Ellison 2012

Step 2: A List
Of what? Of things you need to explain in this book. Of questions. Of important moments. Of things that must be addressed in order to fill in the pieces or give backstory, or develop a character, etc. My list is still growing, but this is what I have at the moment.

© Danielle Ellison 2012

Step 3: Major Plot Points
What are the big events in your book? For me, plotting out the things I know HAVE TO HAPPEN make it fun. Then, it sort of becomes connect the dots, which is easier to do on paper than in your head.  I've found that knowing where I am going makes getting there easier.

© Danielle Ellison 2012

The great thing about this, too, is that the smaller things (step 4) can be left open if you want, or filled in as you think of them. Then, you aren't tied down to this has to happen next, which is what I always hated about outline. I'm a pantser at heart, so I need the freedom to let the story take life. BUT the story also has to stay where I need it to go next. It's a balance of knowledge and discover--sort of like science.

Step 4: Minor Things

© Danielle Ellison 2012

As I said above, when I know smaller scene-to-scene things, I write them out. When I don't, I leave them blank. If they come to me, It's good to have them.

Step 5: (optional) Move It Around
I keep a running list (usually on notecards or post-its. I draft in Scrivener so I keep them there as well) of scenes as they come to me if I don't know where they go in the story yet. Say, I know my character is going to react this way to something, and this reaction is going to spark her seeking out an answer--but I don't know what that something is yet. If I keep a record of them somewhere else, then I always have these little scenes to refer to. Step 2 and Step 5 are both handy little items to make sure that I'm aware of as I draft.

Step 6: Write!!! 

This may not work for you, but I've tried plotting a LOT of different ways and this is what came of it. I think it's all about taking techniques that you see and adjusting them to fit how you write. Every writer is different, so it makes sense that we all approach plotting--or not plotting--differently.

The great thing about plotting is that sometimes you learn what you planned doesn't work. Which is what happened when I started this post. That's a bummer to learn, but better to learn on the page before you write it.

If you plot, how do you do it? Why or why not? What have you learned? What other methods have you tried?

I'm Scared

I've been having a hell of a time figuring out what how to start FMTD2. I hate beginnings, which is a huge part of the problem, but this book is different. I see the large plot of the book very clearly (like how [___] is destroyed by [___] and how [___] happened) but the small details are not as obvious. I can't even create fake blanks for those.

After a week (or so) of trying to figure it out, I then determined that the problem with everything I was jotting down was that my MCs voice was wrong. I spent all day on Monday obsessing over how I was going to fix this, how I was going to find her again, and where the heck she went.

When I got home, my editor (who luckily or unluckily gets to double as BFF) says to me:
"The voice is fine. It's her at the end of the book, which is what you want. The problem is that you are scared that you'll mess this up and have to rewrite it eight times."

Glory, glory hallelujah. 

As you know, I wrote Follow Me Through Darkness eight times before I got it right. And while it's awesome that I kept at it, it sure did a number on me. I don't think I realized that until this week. Now, I have this crippling of fear of writing ALL my books eight times. And well, when you're working on the sequel to the book that caused all the fear, it can be pretty daunting.

No. Not daunting, terrifying. I'm terrified.

Not of the book (though there are missing pieces and I'm working with a MC who is NOT forthcoming at all) but because I don't want to fail. Guys, I don't want to re-write this book eight times. That worry is almost debilitating, and with FMTD2, it made me not know how to start and to question everything from my characters to my plot to myself.

With my last book, Hotboyalicious (not real title), I had this same fear--but it manifested in hatred. I was scared of that one because it was a different genre, character, voice, style. I guess, deep down, I was scared of writing it eight times. That was made pretty evident when I had to start over after 50k. But once I did, it was awesome. (I'll have to tell you more about this later.)

Once Patricia told me what was going on, once she pointed out the root problem was me and not my book, everything clicked. In two days (after a period of wallowing and ignoring life with tv shows and a little crying), I've written over 5k. It's small, but I'm feeling confident. I believe in my MC again, in this story, in this series, and I'm thrilled.

Does that mean I'm still not scared? No. I am. But I have a book to write--and I don't have a lot of time to do it. I wanted to tell this story, and I get to. And honestly, I'm bigger than my fears. Plus, if I want this to be a career then I have to get over myself.

Some authors rewrite, and maybe that's just the kind of author I am.  Maybe I finish this draft or make it halfway and need to start over. That would suck, a lot, but when I look at FMTD and how proud of that book I am, how hard I worked to make it fantastic, is re-writing the worst thing that can happen?

No, it's not.

I tell you all this because I am scared. I hope you don't hate my book(s). I'm scared I won't do the story justice. I'm scared everyone will hate my MC (even though she's stubborn and endearing.) I'm scared it won't strike a chord with anyone. I'm scared I won't succeed. But I am still writing.

Nothing I'm afraid of will stop me, so don't let it stop you.

About Revision (aka. How I Survived 8 Major Revisions)

Thanks everyone for the congrats on the book deal. :) It is very, very exciting. :) :) :) I also have a new website---check it out!!! It matches my blog. I like matching. :)

Over the weekend, I had a writer DM me on Twitter, asking about how I revised so many times. She said she was working on a current revision and was a little overwhelmed. So it got me thinking, and I made a list about revising.

1. A lot of trial and error. 
You try something; it doesn't work. You try something new; it may or may no work. You try something else; you see what happens. It's so much try and fail, but the great thing is that when you get it right then YOU GET IT RIGHT.

2. A lot of frustration. 
Trial and error is exhausting. Redoing over and over is really frustrating—especially when you there’s an answer!!! (All of my revisions were structural problems, at least in the early stage, so that was the hardest because I was always rewriting the entire book.)

3. Amazing CPs and beta readers.
People in your corner who will read and re-read and re-re-re-re-re-read your book. People who will challenge you, be honest, encourage, and brainstorm. They are THE BEST. I’m pretty positive that I wouldn’t have survived without them.

4. The fact that I KNEW I could do it, I just had to figure out how. 
That’s pretty much it. I loved my characters, my story; it was a really important to me to get it right. I wanted to give them the best, so I kept at it.

5. Always finding new, little things to love. 
After a while, things get old. You get tired. (Very tired!) And you need to find new things about the book to love. Maybe a character that you get to develop more, or a scene that never leaves the book. (In my finished draft, I seriously have TEN scenes that have been in every draft. That’s it.) These are things you can cling to. (Stephanie Perkins wrote a post about “Love Lists” where you list all the things you love about your MS. I have those for every project and I look it at a lot.)

6. Continuously discovering things--and always trying to. 
The great thing about revision is that the story is always changing. You should always, always be learning new things about your characters or your setting or something. Going into each revision seeking out those new discoveries make it fun. (Just in this last revision I learned something about my MC that I had no idea happened—not in two years!! I never would have guessed it and it was perfect.)

7. Knowing it is okay to take your time. 
DON’T BE IN A HURRY. I’ve learned from experience that when you rush it only slows you down. You have to have focus and tackle it one scene (or one large picture area) at a time. Realize you’ll have to change A LOT of stuff to make it work, and develop the story. Think about things before you commit. (And if you’re on R&R then know that the R&R isn’t going to go away—I had an agent wait two years! And though she didn’t take it, she still loved it and praised my revisions.)

8. Setting goals.
Take it day-by-day or week-by-week. Be realistic. Have a plan when you sit down to revise that today I am going to fix A or B or write x number of words. And do it. But, if you don’t achieve it, don’t beat yourself up. Just do your best and move on.

9. Fresh eyes.
This builds off having great betas/CPs—but have new people who can read other drafts. When you work in-depth with betas/CPs, they get to know the story (especially if you talk to them about scenes b/c then they get all that knowledge in their head.) Having someone with fresh eyes and no knowledge of the story read over things makes it stronger.

10. Flexibility in changing and cutting things that you may not want to.
If you count deleted scenes from my drafts, it would probably be another novel. I had to cut scenes that I loved because they didn’t work. I had to change subplots, delete subplots, and delete characters. The biggest thing is to BE FLEXIBLE because revision is a difficult stage of writing, and sometimes it requires you to approach your story in a new way.

11. Alcohol. 
Tis good. If you are 21---if not, find a cupcake.

12. Crying. 
Because it’s inevitable.

13. More frustration and complete and utter angst. 
It will happen. I suggest a place to vent, people that you can complain with, cupcakes, exercise, loud, angry music. I also suggest not fighting the angst because I believe that only makes it worse.

14. Embracing the urge to quit.
Because you will want to quit. You’ll want to be all “I hate this book and this is never going to work and EFF IT ALL!” and you’ll go wallow in a corner because you were crazy to ever try this writing thing and you’re wasting your time and everyone else is better than you so you should just get a job at Starbucks because at least they have benefits with their coffee.

15. Not quitting.
When you get up from the corner, go back to your computer. Do some more work. Because even though this hard, you want this and you can do it and it will all be okay.

16. Remember why you write.
For yourself. For your characters. For this story. For the joy of it instead of the pressure you’ve put on yourself to get an agent and sell to a big six and be a millionaire. (or whatever.)

17. Affirming friends.
People make this easier when you have fantastic friends—writers and non-writers. Non-writers are great because this isn’t their life and they can take you away from it when needed and you can move on. Writers are great because THEY GET IT. They can encourage you and relate to you and make you remember. Friends will also lock in your room when you need work.

18. Twitter.
Because it’s the biggest community of people and they are all (usually) very supportive and keep you accountable and are always SO EXCITED.

19. LOTS of painful feedback.
Because, again, writing is hard and changing things is hard and the truth can hurt, but all pain is for a reason and it will only push you.

20. Routine.
With each story, I always have a routine. A place I sit or a playlist I listen to before writing or a certain time that you write (morning, afternoon, middle of the night)—something. I think it helps.

21. Believing in my book, in myself, in the fact that it will all work out somehow and even if it doesn't get published or get an agent, that someone will love it and then it will all be worth it. 
And of course, see number 11 again.

Anything that you would add to the list?

Ignoring the Clues

I've been writing Hotboyalicious (not real title) for a few months now. One chilly weekend in February I only had 10k--and now on this chilly day in May I have 50k. But for months now (seriously, months) I've been stuck. (That should have been a clue.) I would write a chapter or half a chapter and be so completely stuck. The idea that was so warm and loud in my head, suddenly chilled. That's not to say this doesn't happen--because it does--but when it does you have to ask why. (This is a clue also.) But I didn't ask why. I didn't stop to figure out what was going on beneath the surface of my story. I kept writing. 

I would write until I got stuck, then complain about being stuck for days, then take action (which usually consisted of brainstorming my problem with my roommate, Derrick) and then I'd have a miraculous breakthrough and bust out 3k and then another chapter and then...I'd be stuck again. And repeat the cycle. I knew, I knew, something was wrong with the story--but I had NO IDEA what it was.  (Sidenote: I think sometimes I did know the problem, but I didn't want to admit it. This should've also been a clue.)

>>READ THE REST OF THIS POST >>

The SCARY Thin Line Between Love and Hate

I am so in love with my WIP.

This is a new emotion, because for WEEKS I've only complained to my gracious and wonderful CPs how much I hate this book.

And I do hate it sometimes.

I hate it because it's different for me. I get nervous about writing a story that's this "different" and this out of my comfort zone. Can I pull it off? What does it mean for me and my future? Is this really the kind of author I want to be known as? Will Hotboyalicious (not real title) forever alter the things I can write? I don't know.

I hate it because it challenges me in ways that I never knew I struggled in as a writer. Because I can't seem to get a grasp on the story. Because it's ever growing and changing and I have no clue what's going on. The subplots are going in every direction. The voice of my MC feels off to me, and I think it's all in my head (at least that's what those CPs tell me) and I can't quite determine if the love interest comes off as insta-love. I have too many ideas and I'm already at 50k and not even halfway done with all of them. I even have an outline, that I don't know how to follow anymore but somehow keeps finding itself back in the story.

But mostly, I hate this WIP because it makes me doubt myself. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the right person to be telling this story. I've written a few books now and I've never looked at one with such uncertainty before. I get really excited about writing it, but when the time comes to sit down and do it, I get trapped inside my own head all these worries, and all the insecurity and you know what?

IT IS SCARY.

I'm not one who gets caught up a lot in writing doubt. That's not to say I think I'm the best in the world or anything---I can barely take a compliment. Ask my CPs. But it's just something I do. I put the words on the page and go. So the fact that I'm so stunted with this WIP is really, really scary. I have to constantly battle myself out of the doubt.

The thing that's striking me today, is that underneath the hate I feel toward it for these reasons, I also love it. I'm talking let's run away together and fly to the moon, love it.

These characters are my favorite out of any thing I've written. The mythos is fun. The story, while out of control, is surprising and lovely. My MC is snark and bubbles and confusion--which makes her easy for me connect to, since that's currently what I'm feeling. My love interest is awesome. He's so amazing. I think I love him more than my MC. And what's even more--this story is fun to read. 



There's a thin line between love and hate. And with this WIP, I find myself constantly teetering the line. Some words, I hate it. Other words, I love it. I have to keep telling myself that this is just a first draft! And that's hard too because I write clean first drafts. I have to let go of some control with Hotboyalicious (not real title) and let the character and the story unveil itself. Then, later, I can polish.

Today, I love my WIP. We spent hours together yesterday, talking through some of our issues, and I find myself with a renewed excitement. How long will that stay around? I don't know. But for now, I'm sure going to try and embrace it.

Does anyone else find themselves struggling with this? Someone tell me I'm not alone!!

Hope is a Happy Thing

Hope is contagious. Hope is like yeast and baking powder. It has an energy that makes things rise. If you want to know if you are good for others, ask yourself how much hope you've given them. It is there you will find your answer.

Sr. Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB author of Seasons of the Heart 

Yesterday was the Boston Marathon and the Boston Globe reported that 21,963 ran in the race. Now, I'm not a runner so the idea of that many people pushing, training and preparing to run for fun is completely crazy to me. I can't even comprehend the amount of work it takes to prepare your body--and your brain--for running 26.2 miles. In the heat. With thousands of other people. But I'm sure, that the answer is a lot. But there's something I appreciate about it: it's people running toward their goals.


It's crazy in life how you wait, you yearn, you work whole-heartedly toward a goal and sometimes, you never really think that goal is going be accomplished. I bet yesterday, in the 87 degree weather, a bunch of those runners probably felt they were never going to make it. They probably wanted to quit--I have no doubt of that--but they didn't. Why not? Because they were in the midst of this goal that they've been preparing for and other people were succeeding around them. There's nothing that's more motivational than seeing other people succeed at the same goal you have.

They have this hope.

Now again, I'm not a runner. But I get what this whole thing is like because I am a writer. Writing is one of those things that so often feels like a far away, un-achievable goal. You train, you prepare, you practice, you get tips and helpful information everywhere--but there's still the doing, the trying, the waiting. The waiting in writing is the hardest part for most people.

But then, something good happens.

Maybe it's a spark of something. An encouraging word. A friend succeeding. Something that validates that what you are doing is worth something. It can be anything and it can be teeny tiny--but those things are the things that keep us hopeful. Like for me, only four days ago, I was so trapped in my own head that I couldn't make my WIP move forward. All it took was for me to stop being selfish and to approach things with a new perspective. It wasn't even my idea! That's a spark of something good and it gave me the ability to keep going.

This industry--especially for those in-between here and there--is not easy. It's not for the faint at heart or the impatient or the jealous. Those things will eat you alive. The only way to survive the bad things that want to tie you down, is to have hope.

My friend Cindy said to me today "I'm happy. I have hope. Hope is a happy thing."

And she's right. Hope is a happy thing.

You know what else hope is? It's contagious. The more we spread it around, the happier people will be while we are training or waiting or running and about to pass out.

Wherever you are in this race, if you are feeling tired or impatient or not good enough. If you want to turn around and quit before you even get to start, then say something to someone you trust. Maybe you will find some hope to keep going. If someone can one 26.2 miles in a few hours, you can do this too. Have hope.

I hope you come to find that which gives life a deep meaning for you. Something worth living for--maybe even worth dying for-- something that energizes you, enthuses you, enables you to keep moving ahead. 

 Ita Ford Maryknoll 

Hope is a happy thing. Pass it on.

I go to London in ONE week!!

You know, you dream about something for a long time and never really, truly believe that it will happen. You plan and think and hope and talk about doing it. I know my best friend from high school, Ashley, and I always talk about London. About how we're going to find a way around the law and move there, marry some hot dude with a British accent and live happily ever after.

Of course, I never really believed that--even when I talked and "planned" it. I'd never been to London--and really had/have no money to go--so it was always a talk. An idea. A dream.

Sometimes writing is like this. We have these big plans and ideas and dreams of writing a book, of getting an agent, of getting said book published. We work incredibly hard to write a novel. We dream and hope and think and talk about the future. We dream. We spend a lot of time dreaming, in fact. 

London and publishing are the same in this regard. They're both the happily ever after with the hot British guy. But if there's one thing I've learned from writing--and from planning a trip to London--is that it's a lot more than just dreaming. It's doing. It's deciding and it's pursuing.
 
That's what I had to do. 

I'm going on this!

See, I had this trip to London all planned with grad school. It was going to be awesome--full of shows and history and art. Glorious. But then I dropped out of grad school and saw my opportunity slipping away. So, what did I do? I made a decision. I decided I would go to London and I bought a plane ticket one unseasonably warm day in November. I decided and I did. I even found a friend to go with me so I didn't have to experience this thing I've always wanted alone--because things like dreams are better shared with someone else.

I was going to London, alone, and it would be totally awesome because I dreamed about this. But it was months away and it didn't matter really. We planned---kinda. We spent money and I felt it each time the cost increased and my savings account decreased.

My trip to London is risky. It was a risk financially, emotionally, mentally, and if I had to go alone like I planned, probably wouldn't have been the safest either. But I made a decision and I
made it happen and everything has been working out.

 It's kinda incredible how much this whole thing is teaching me--and how it's reminiscent of writing. Writing is a risk. There's no "sure thing" in pursing this profession. But we have to do it because it's the dreaming, it's the hoping and thinking and talking that makes us want it.

Life is about taking risks. It's about making a decision and pursuing it. Life without those things? Pretty boring. We need to dream--about writing, about making movies, about going to far off countries--because the dreaming shows us where we want to be and the rest gets us there.

For me, my dreaming is leading me to London.  I go to London in one week!! One week! I am so excited about this! It doesn't even feel real yet.

This is gonna be good. All of it. Whatever your dream is---pursue it. Maybe it will lead you to hot British guys. Maybe not. But if it's your dream, you'll definitely get some form of happily ever after. I just know it. Whatever you do--don't miss the moment.

"We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand – and melting like a snowflake." - Marie B. Ray

Anyone have any recommendations of good London-area things to see or do? Touristy? Non-touristy? Book stores? Parks? Coffee shops? Ideas welcomed!! 

What a Difference a Day Makes!

On Thursday, I wrote this post where I kinda complained about the in-between. Mostly, I was frustrated with this new WIP I have, HOTBOYALICIOUS (not real title.) I had two really exciting opening chapters, some characters that I was really looking forward to writing, and this amazingly-developed mythos. The only thing I didn't have? The next chapter.

And I've been stuck here since Christmas! I talked to writer friends about it. Took on a few different approaches to find out the next chapter. Took some time away. Tried to work on different project. Nothing worked. Then I figured out that I didn't really have a plot---which prompted the post on Thursday.

It's depressing when you realize you have all the elements to tell a story, except what's the most important piece. It sucks. And my best friend Patricia and I spent all of our daily hour phone call complaining about being stuck. (Because she was in the same place I was.)

What a difference a day makes!

I don't know what happened. I was sitting in my office, doing work on Friday (which is the busiest day all week!) and I had this idea. So I wrote it down. And then another, and I wrote that down. Something clicked and I had some more of this plot. Patricia and I spent two hours on the phone talking through mine--and hers, which fantastically took a positive turn while she battled a migrane Thursday night.

HOTBOYALICIOUS now has a plot.

Which is funny, because it was there all along but  I was missing that one minor piece that would thread the whole story together. It's been a very exciting weekend--full of plotting, which I have never done for a whole novel before ever until now, and writing.

This story is different for me. My last book took so much time to perfect--and I love it--but Hotboyalicious is a whole new level for me. It's so much fun. I often have to stop myself from gigglefits in between writing scenes. My CP and my friend who are both reading, love my characters, too. That's a great feeling.

What a difference a day makes.

Seriously. If you're writing and you're stuck anywhere near where I was....just give it time. I promise you'll figure it out. Sometimes the story just needs to reveal something to you that you're missing. Be patient (which is so so so so so hard.) But in the end, so worth it.

In the meantime, I have a writing retreat next weekend and I'm going to spend it writing Hotboyalicious. And hopefully, containing my giggles so other people don't stare at me.

An Undetermined Alice's Story of Paths and Writing and Nutella

Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

-Alice in Wonderland

I'm one of those people who practically live this quote. I'm not one who often knows where I want to go, let alone how to get there or what to expect next or even what I want to get out of where I'm going. I move from city to city as the wind blows, yet I love things to be scheduled and certain. I hate not knowing what to expect, yet I love surprises and dislike the sameness of life.

I'm a complete contradiction.

And that's fine. After twenty-four years, I'm used to it. I run when I should rest. I rest when I should run. I dream and think and wonder and then get frustrated for dreaming and thinking and wondering. I think that's why it's so easy for me to live this quote. I'm an undecided Alice who doesn't know up from down.

The only thing in my life (once I figured it out) that I didn't want to run from, that I wasn't uncertain about, that I knew the correct way to go, be it right or left or sideways, was (and is) writing.

I'm someone who loves a lot of things passionately. AIDS work, South Africa, Doctor Who, Supernatural (all tv, really), books, my friends, Nutella. (That stuff is CRACK!) But there's nothing I love more than writing--even on the days when I'm exhausted and frustrated and tired of trying so damn hard. Even when, like now, I'm faced with the in-between of starting something new (and being mostly unable to do so), of trying to move on from finishing something else, and of thinking about the future without thinking to much about the future. It's a tough place to be, but I still love writing.

Right now, I'm knee deep in  two things. First, I'm writing a query. Which is awesome, in that I-wanna-vomit-now way. I've written queries before. I've helped write many, many queries and enjoyed it. But it's so hard writing your own query. And it's so hard balancing the anxiety of "what could happen if" and "where I am now" and "here's this new idea, let's write it, but oh, wait my brain is just TIRED."

Second, I'm writing a new WIP. Well, honestly, I'm not. Honestly, I'm staring at this amazing cast of characters, this mythos that I kinda love and this one teensy plot thread that makes me very excited...but I'm writing nothing. I can't figure out the missing piece and I can't decide how to tell the ones I know because without the missing one, the other pieces aren't complete. It's a whole cycle of give and take, I guess. So, instead of writing, I just brainstorm and brainstorm and brainstorm and try to figure out why I can't write it.

That's more exhausting than actually writing.

I know it's part of the in-between--and I'm not complaining. I've always been in this place. My whole life. This in-between. (Seriously, this is not a lie. I am that person who's always on the brink of something that could be fantastic who gets knocked off before anything happens. All. My. Life. I'm used to it.) But some days, I WANT to not be here anymore. Some days, I'd like to cross over. I'd like to know which way I need to go and where I even want to go.

The hard part about that? The only place I want to go is a place that ends and begins with writing. And, aside from actually writing the story, I have no control over whether or not I will get there.

And I'm okay with that.

I am an undetermined Alice. Because as much I say it's okay, a huge part of me wants to delete that sentence! Sometimes it's not okay. Sometimes it sucks A LOT. But ultimately I get to do what I love to do. I get to dream and imagine and hope. That's kinda awesome.

Do I want to be on the big path so I can reach my dreams some day? Yes. But for now, I can't control the big path. But there are a few things I can do right now. What are they, you ask? Well....

Kitteh likes Nutella too! :)

First, I will dominate this effing query letter and make it rue the day it tried to cross me. Muahahahha!

Then, I will try to write this story with the characters I love and the plot line. Maybe it will figure itself out as I go. And if not, then I can put it on hold and work on something else. Ideas have a pretty great shelf life.

I will work on edits for my internship. I will go to the gym. I will enjoy the discussions at this weekend's Grimm Brothers Fairy Tale Conference. I will watch The Vampire Diaries. And I will eat some Nutella.

And I'm REALLY, REALLY okay with all of that.

Sometimes You Write a Book. Again.

Sometimes you write a book...and then you revise a book...and rewrite a book...and rewrite it again. And hope, that in the end, it turns out to be something fantastic.

I said that in this post back in July, and guys, I had NO IDEA what I was getting into.

It's funny. You think you have it all figured out. You know what your story is and where it needs to go and how to tell it. You have a plan for the days, weeks, months it will take to get an agent and sell and have all the things you've been too scared to dream about at your fingertips.

But what you don't account for?

Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes you have to stop, to re-evaluate your novel, to get to know your characters, to be vulnerable and say that maybe--just maybe--you don't know what needs to happen next. You need to ask for help and listen to it. You need to trust.

Sometimes, too, you don't account that this book will take you an incredible amount of time. And...well....seven rewrites.

That's where I've been.

It's crazy. Seven rewrites?! Like, change the structure or the motivation or the plot thread that ties the whole book together rewrites. Major things. You never think that could happen, but then it does. And in the midst of it, I found myself feeling like I would never get it where it needed to be. I wondered WHY I kept trying to tell this story. Why I couldn't figure it out. Why I cared so much.

But that's the thing. We have to care. We have to want to tell the story. Otherwise, why are we trying this? Anyone can slap a mediocre, cliche-filled, commercial story on pages and call it a book. But to tell the story we want to tell, we have to care about it.

Some days, I felt like I cared too much. Other days, not enough.

I wanted to quit. To stamp it done anyway because I couldn't anymore.

But I never did.

I kept telling the story. I kept fixing it. I kept loving it and caring and analyzing and admitting when I was stuck or scared or frustrated. I'd take breaks, like a few months ago in November/December where all I did was watch TV. But I did it. I wrote.

And seven drafts later, I can look back on that post I wrote in July and know I was right.

Sometimes you write a book...and then you revise a book...and rewrite a book...and rewrite it again. And hope, that in the end, it turns out to be something fantastic.

 Because lovelies, it is. I've never been this proud of anything I've written. I love this story and the journey we've been on together. Perseverance? It's a good thing.

A Journey of Passion.

I’m all about passion.

In fact, if passion was a football team, I’d be at every single game in the stand with a bullhorn, cheering. I’m the head cheerleader for passion. I’m passionate about being passionate.

I know what you’re thinking, “That’s a weird thing to say.” Maybe it is. Maybe it is a weird thing to say, but I’ll say it until I die: I’m passionate about being passionate. v Every person who is born is born with a purpose, wired for something special and unique. Accepting that is the easy part. Once you’ve done the easy part, the hard part follows. The hard part is finding that thing. You know, the thing.

The thing that makes your heart pound out of your chest when you think about it, talk about it, do it. The thing that consumes your thoughts and brings so much joy to your soul (JOY, not happiness, there’s a difference.) The thing that is completely you—so much so, in fact, you wonder why it took so long to find. That thing is your passion. Occasionally, it’s difficult to find but once you do, there’s no more wondering.

Finding my passion was difficult for me. I knew I had a purpose, or at least I thought I did, but I had no idea what that was. I was always searching for it, intent on finding it. I tried. I tried really hard to find it and there were moments when I thought I had. I didn’t. That’s the thing about passion: it can have many forms. You can be passionate about more than one thing, about people, about places. You can enjoy many things, but does that mean those things are your passion?

I found my first pseudo-passion in high school. Two words: Hollywood. Movies. I was determined that I’d write and direct movies. That was it. Bam, I’m ready. But, college led me to South Carolina and suddenly, that passion dissolved. Sure, I still love movies and TV, but I knew that wasn’t where I needed to be.

In college it was a lot of things. It was so many that I can’t even begin to list them all. I discovered my passion for the homeless and for HIV/AIDS awareness. I discovered my passion for ministry and college students and leadership. I pursued things and tried things and found ways to get involved. But, those things weren’t my passion either. Not really. Sure, I have a heart for all those things, but I knew that wasn’t where I needed to be.

Those pseudo-passions led me to Nashville, which led me to South Africa, which led me back to Nashville. There in those moments after my trip, I found my passion. Soon after I met two lovely women named Myra and Victoria, and my passion seemed like something I could actually, maybe, really do. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. I should back up because there’s something you should know…

When I was little, all I wanted was to be was normal. My childhood was less than normal and I longed for the day I could venture out on my own and find myself, find a husband, have a family. I wanted stable. I wanted to be one of the normal people who have real jobs and friends and hobbies. I accepted in college that this dream is unrealistic. It’s not who I am and I will never be that girl.

I’m the girl who’s in love with words.

The one thing I’ve always been when none of the other things have panned out is that girl. The girl who dreams. Who pretends that unicorns exist somewhere else. The girl who hid in the basement as a kid so I could write down stories and no one would see me. The girl who filled in answers of the math tests in second grade, so I could read a book instead. I’ve always been a writer, even before I knew I could be.

I had this poster.

I remember when words came alive for me. I read Charlotte’s Web, The Secret Garden, The Boxcar Children and every Goosebumps book R.L Stine had written. I envied the characters. I wanted a secret garden and a talking pig; we had a pig, but he didn’t talk. I wanted to live somewhere else, far away from where I was, and have scary adventures.

Movies like Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid completely took over my life. I wanted to be Ariel. I even pretended I was when I was in the bathtub. (You know, the scene on the rock when she sings, “I don’t know when. I don’t know how…” and then swoosh—the wave comes up. Yea, I did that. It made a huge mess every night, but I didn’t care. )

I talked to candlesticks and clocks. I imagined that the old man next door with the huge pond was evil and his pond was a magical gateway. I thought the house on the hill was the home of three witches and that I was somehow a witch too. I had one best friend who I let into my magical world, but no one else. I was fine alone with my Barbies and my thoughts. I loved stories and Power Rangers and anything that meant I didn’t have to be me.

In college, when I was trying to find a passion among all those things I said earlier, I took a writing class. I was good. I mean, they liked my writing. No one had ever read my writing before (except fanfiction and that didn’t count.) It wasn’t long before I had a minor in writing. I really liked it but still, even then, it was a hobby. I never called myself a writer until my senior year—and even then, it was half-hearted.

I never called myself a writer until that trip to South Africa. It was there I learned how important passion was. The people we worked with there gave up their families to do the thing they were passionate about. A guy named Mzo smiled so big when he talked about those kids; his passion was contagious. So, when I came home to Nashville, I had a new mantra: be passionate.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that my passion was writing. It was so simple, so blatantly simple, that it was overwhelming. From the first word, I knew that it was my thing. I knew I was a writer. I’d tried to deny it to myself, tried other things, tried to find it somewhere else, somewhere less scary, but it was me. It was part of me. I had to pursue it.

When the day came that Myra came into my store, my store of all the bookstores in the area, it was definitely a big deal. She will never know how much encouragement she gave me in just those few moments. She gave me an idea that I could do it if I tried—and she meant it.

Ever since then I’ve called myself a writer. I’m other things too, I have other labels: bookseller, blogger, nanny, sister, friend. But, I’m a writer. It’s the thing I’ve been my entire life and never knew. That’s the funny part about passion: it will wait until you’re ready. I wasn’t ready before—I honestly believe that—but as soon as I was, there it was. We’ve been together ever since.

I’ll never go back to how I was before. I’ll never live without my passion. Before I was lost and scared to try things and unsure. I was drowning, stuck in a hole and never going to get out.

Now, I know who I am. I’m a writer. You may never read my books or my blog or my tweets. You may never see my name in a bookstore or on a page—you may never know me at all, but I know me.
I’m also the head cheerleader for passion. I’m passionate about being passionate. Everyone needs to have that thing that makes their heart sing, that completes them, that pulls them out of the pit and stands them on their feet again. If you live a life without passion, then you’re wasting your life. You’re wasting your potential and your time.

It’s not always easy. It can be a long, hard road with twists and turns, but it will always be worth it in the end. Passion is always worth it because in finding it, you find life. And a reason to cheer.


“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen for you and to you and because of you.” T. Alan Armstrong.


“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping, waiting…and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir…open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace but we would be hollow, empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we’d be truly dead.” Joss Wheadon


Originally posted as a guest blog from one year ago!

Writing is...

Today's the beginning of a new journey for me. I'm starting a new blog--ALL ABOUT WRITING with a few other aspiring authors. It's called Tangled Up In Words and I am completely in love with everything about it.  (And I'm sure you'll be hearing more about it next week!)

I love that five people who share dreams, frustrations, hopes and a passion for writing found each other. This blog is a huge piece of our hearts, and I am so excited that we finally get to share it with the world. If you write at all, you should go check it out. We're only just starting. The next two weeks are going to be full of interviews--with each other and with authors--but then, we're jumping in to the nitty gritty stuff. We're going to talk about things we're learning, things we're seeing and wondering--and we really hope that other people jump in to the community.

Amidst all the planning for Tangled, I've been thinking a lot about what writing is and what writing isn't. Maybe I'm wrong on some of these, but they some things I've been learning.

Writing isn't....

a thing you do just because there's nothing else to do.  
Okay, so maybe for some people it is that, but I don't think that's what writing is supposed to be. It's a fluid movement, a journey, a never-ending process that's sometimes wraught with frustration, sometimes with joy, sometimes with awe, sometimes with sadness. It's part of you. It's something you must do because there's nothing else that can make you feel all those things at once.

easy.
Writing. Is. Not. Easy. I don't care if your uncle Bubba's second cousin's friend's sister's ex-boyfriend wrote a book in four hours and it was the best thing you ever read---Writing is not easy. It's hard. It's long. It's questions and answers. It's answers to the wrong questions. It's characters, plots, motivations, revisions, edits, long conversations with yourself, long conversations with others, plot holes, twists, tension, critiques, pacing, world-building, shiny-new ideas all the time that distract you, original ideas, unpredictability, revisions again, long hours of sleepless nights, early mornings, rewrites...

Get it? If you're tired then you get it. If not then read that again, because it's the same thing over and over and over. Writing is not easy. But if you love it, if you completely and absolutely can't survive without it--then you don't even care.  That's what writing is.

Writing is...


life.    love.    frustration.      revision.    ideas that expand and grow.    need.     characters that have stories to tell.    hope.    sadness.      every single emotion you can think of captured in a flickering moment.      a dance.      a song.      an adventure.    a sparkle of sunlight on a cloudy day.   rest.   constant.    inconsistent.       joy.        believing in impossible things.      friendship.    learning so many things you never knew you needed.    a journey.    escape.     breath.    happiness.    capturing.    inexpressible.    survival.     community. 

I don't know about you, but sometimes putting words on a page is the hardest thing I will ever, ever, ever do in a day. Other days it's the easiest. I think that's the beauty of all the things that writing is. Whatever those things are, they're always filled with new surprises.
And there are days--many many days--when I question what I'm doing and if it will ever, ever matter. But I know it does matter. It's part of me. It's given me the life I have right now and the amazing people who fill it up. Community is so important to a writer because on those dark days, it's what will get you through.


If you need community, if you want encouragement and challenges, then check us out on Tangled. We're right there with you. We need the same things. We need a place to share the things we're learning, to get encouragement, to build community. Take a few minutes this week to come by and leave us a comment all about you.

Build community because it's such a huge part of what writing is.

Sometimes you write a book...

Sometimes you write a book and you freaking love it. I mean, love it. It's your heart and your soul and you're proud of it.

Then you send it out into the world and learn that some things need to better. Big things that make a lot of sense, but you're not really sure how to fix them. You want to, but you're too attached.

So you step away from it until you have the eyes to fix it.

And then you get an opinion or two on how to fix it. Maybe workshop it or let people read it or whatever.

And then you fix it. And you had all these doubts about whether the changes would work or not--but they do! This is so good. This is awesome.

But it's not awesome.

Because the things you "fixed" really slow the story down. Changing the whole timeline, really does change the whole story. And now you have to face the fact that at least half of what you wrote will be GONE. Scary right? It is. But it has to be done.

Even scarier? You still have to figure out how to fix the story, how to make it the best it can be. But you have to figure it out alone. There's not someone telling you what's not working. Sometimes there are four and they are all very different opinions.

But in the end, it's you figuring it out. You and the characters and the story.

Sometimes you write a book...and then you revise a book...and rewrite a book...and rewrite it again. And hope, that in the end, it turns out to be something fantastic.

Sometimes that's what writing a book is like. It's not fun. It's hard and exhausting. But it's all about learning, about trying, about failing and trying again.

....

And when you finish, you get to start all over again. Every day. Until you die. Because no matter how frustrating it is. No matter how lonely it is. It's something you have to do because writing is part of you. 

This is my current place in life. Anyone else with me??

TV SHOWS. And how they can inspire us writers. (Guest post)

Hi followers of Danielle’s blog! You probably don’t know who I am, so I’ll introduce myself. I’m Kaitlin, KT for short, and I’m a YA writer, too. I tend to write fantasy, but sometimes contemporary as well. I’m doing a guest post (obviously – oh, small fact, I use parantheses a lot) today!

I’m going to lead into my topic a little strangely – and I’m going to say how I met Danielle. Whilst on the lovely twitter, I noticed somebody I already followed (Jaime) tweeting about the TV show Merlin, and I, being a HUGE fan, tweeted with her and discovered Danielle. We quickly became Merlin buddies (among other awesome things we have in common).

And that leads me to the topic – TV SHOWS. And how they can inspire us writers.

Obviously as writers, and people, we have our ups and downs. We stand against the dreaded writer’s block and those moments where we can feel like giving up (I recently had one), but sometimes all it takes is a break and a little inspiration. And that can come from so many different things – books, music, a conversation with someone. A lot of the times for me, and one of my CPs, television helps us.

For me specifically, the show Merlin actually helps me A LOT, which is just another reason I love it. Hehe. My current WIP is a YA epic fantasy – which is pretty much what that show is in a nutshell. Young protagonists, magic, swords, medieval time period, yeah? Yeah. How it helps me is through its world, the visual it gives you. In television, you have a picture instead of description. And sometimes when you’re stuck, seeing something close to the world that you’re writing can help a ton. You can get the image you see and transfer it to help the setting in your book come alive. I can be completely stuck, wondering how something would play out in my book’s world, take a break and watch Merlin and suddenly feel that inspiration to write because I can see it again.

But sometimes it’s not even an entire episode that can be inspiration. Maybe just a preview can strike something within you. For instance, when I was watching TV one day, I caught a quick scene in a preview for a show I don’t even know – it was of a guy wrapping a blanket around a girl’s shoulders. And that’s a scene I have pictured in my head later in my book, and it immediately gave me this urge to write, like I wanted to get to that scene, wanted to know how my characters would react in that situation!

As for that CP of mine? She writes while watching TV shows a lot lately. And in her case, it’s a show that doesn’t even relate to her WIP. She’s able to write through the background noise because she loves the show and its characters, and it becomes a comfortable writing environment for her.

And with such a wide array of genres and TV shows these days, there has to be something out there that can relate to a lot of different writers’ WIPs. So, even if it may seem wrong to be a couch potato for a few days and veg out watching an awesome television show, it may be exactly the RIGHT thing to do! Because maybe you can find a little inspiration there :)

I obviously get it from a show with an epic castle and magic. I get it from a little scene of a blanket. It becomes a comfort, and it’s good to be comfortable when writing, isn’t it?

So, what kind of awesome TV shows do you guys watch? Do they inspire you, too?

-Kaitlin :)

Find Kaitlin:  |  Blog  |  ||  Twitter  ||

Sometimes you have to quit.

Sometimes you have to quit something you really want to finish.

I'm not someone who stops. I keep going, keep pressing on, keep trying until I've got no other choice but to stop. Or until I pass out because my going usually involves doing too many things at once and staying up too late. But sometimes, especially when you're writing...you have to quit.

This happened to me a week ago. I was at the office, trying to work out another scene I was stuck in, when bam--a Shiny-New attacked. Only this one, wasn't new. It was old; an old idea I thought of months before and didn't write. I had to write it down-and five written pages later, I knew I was in trouble. I knew story wasn't going to shut up. I was so excited because I hadn't felt that way about book three in months. I was excited because I wanted to write this. But then, I couldn't. I was mid-draft. I couldn't just quit writing it and waste four months of my life and 35, 000 words...Could I? Can people do that?

The answer I discovered is yes. In fact, I think sometimes it's the only thing you can do. But I feel like that's one of those things people don't say often. Maybe it's because they want us to keep going, keep pressing, keep trying. And they're right.

Most of the time, we shouldn't quit. If we could quit at any moment then we would quit before we even began, because writing is hard. It's exhausting. If we quit at any moment, we'd never make it the middle--let alone to the end. We'd find someone "better" than us, a stronger story, a brighter Shiny-New, a new character and we'd quit right there. Quitting is not the answer.

But what happens when you're struggling? When it's four months later and only 35, 000 words? Or when you've been stuck in the same spot for a month and writing the story isn't fun anymore--even though you love the idea or the character or the scene on page 57? I know what you're thinking because it's what I used to think it: That will never happen to me.

And then it does.

And crap, crap, crap--what do I do now? Before you "quit" a novel, you should really explore all the options and think it through. For me, I'd debated shelving the book for at least a six weeks before the point of the Shiny-Newish Idea. There are tons of ways to explore other options; these are some that I did.

• Brainstormed. I looked at what I had, what I wanted to do, what it was in my head and what it could be. I wrote down every single possibility. I eliminated and processed and added and took away.
• Re-read. I can probably quote most of this book to you. I read it that much. I knew all the lines, all the places I could expand, all the rough transitions, the pointless scenes and dialogue. Re-reading, outloud and inside your head, is key.
•  Asked questions. Based on what I'd brainstormed and re-read, I asked my MC questions. I asked my plot questions. I asked other people question. I even questioned myself. Why were things happening this way and not the other? Why was this important? Do I really need this part to make this story work? What can I make better?
• Tried putting my character in other situations. There's a trick I saying that goes around, "Put someone in another situation and whatever happens will tell you the truth about them." This is even true for characters. I put my MC in other places. In my head and on paper. I took her to the store, had her witness a murder, had her enter a coloring contest (true.) I did this because there was (and is) so much about her I don't have access to. Doing this would unlock those things.
• I talked to some other writers. People who have been there with me throughout the story. Who have heard all my rants, read my awesome scenes, read my crappy ones. Most of them told me to keep pushing--so I did--to take time away--so I did. Then, one friend told me, "You've never said anything positive about writing this book." I was floored, because that was a huge answer. A huge reason I was having so many issues. 

The decision for me was pretty easy. Once my friend said that to me, I felt this freedom. And lovelies, it's okay to stop what you are doing. **It's important to note in all this that you should only quit if it's the absolute perfect thing to do. It should never, ever because something is too hard or lost. There are ways around that. Plus, if you quit because it is hard then you will never go anywhere.**

It's like driving. If you're going the wrong way, you need to stop and turn around and go the right way. Sometimes, you have to stop and ask for directions. Sometimes you need a map. Sometimes you stay the night at some hotel because you've gone too far and you need to sleep before you take off again. I think that's okay to do. In fact, it's smarter than forcing a book to be written to that isn't ready.

That's what I was doing---forcing the story--and I didn't even know I was doing that. Since then I've been plotting (YES, PLOTTING. I know. Freak out, right?) the new book. I'm very excited about it. I will someday go back to work on book three. But that time is not now. It may not be for months or years, but someday I will tell that story. This is the right decision for me. Quitting was a good choice.

So, if you are writing something and you are struggling. If showers won't work and long walks at night only make you cold. If you have no more ideas and all your brainstorming is unproductive, don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. Don't be afraid if the answer is "keep going." Maybe the answer lies in a line that you haven't written yet, and maybe the breakthrough lies ahead of the struggle---and don't be afraid if the answer is "Quit." Stopping will not be a waste. EVERYTHING you write has a purpose. The four months and 35K taught me a lot. I was surprised how much I learned, actually. Failed words have a place next to amazing ones and both make you a stronger writer--whether you are still pushing or whether you are shelving an idea.

Sometimes the hardest part about writing--and revising, drafting, plotting--is knowing when to quit.

Writing in the Fire Swamp

Sometimes, you get stuck. And I'm talking "sinking in the mud in the middle of the woods and there's no one to help you out" stuck. This has been me lately--in my current novel and in many aspects of my life. I feel like I'm in a transition period (I utterly hate transitions, yet I seem to always be in one.) With this book, I've been tottering on the edge of quitting and the edge of determination. I've been stuck in the middle.

And for some reason, it made me want to watch The Princess Bride. So I did--and I realized something pretty awesome: writing a book is just like treading through the Fire Swamp. (If you're not a writer, I also think this applies to life.)

The Fire Swamp is filled with three terrors, which Buttercup and Westley must face in order to make it to safety of Westley's ship. What are the three terrors? Flame spurts, lightning quicksand (also called Snow Sand) and the Rodents of Unusual Size. All three of these are something you will face in life and/or in writing.

Flame Spurts: Unexpected Pain

At first, you don’t know what to expect when you hear the popping sound. Then fire spurts up from the ground. And bam—Buttercup's dress is on fire and she and Westley are trying to put it out. The first thing Westley asks Buttercup in this scene is if she’s hurt. She’s not. But now there’s the realization that this place they fled to for safety has the potential to be very painful.

Sometimes things hurt when you’re writing. Scenes are tough and emotional. You have to kill a character. Your MC makes a dumb decision. You have to cut the scene you really, really love because it doesn’t work. The fire spurt in writing can be anything; whatever that thing is for you, it is hard for a reason. Writing has the potential to be very painful.

A quote from the movie (my favorite ever) is from Westley before all this happens. He says "Life is pain. Anyone who says different is selling something."

Things will happen that you don't expect. You'll be burnt by someone or something at some point. You'll be tired and scared, but I think that's good. The heroines know when they see the flames, that this is not going to be as easy as they believed, that they have to be on guard. And the potential for pain, the prospect of being hurt, “keeps you on your toes” as Westley says in that scene.

The fire spurts are necessary so you can prepare yourself for those things that will hurt. Because writing is hard. Living is hard. You need to know that going in so you can be ready. It will not be an easy journey.

Lightning Sand: Unexpected Sinkholes

 

Great! Westley and Buttercup survived the pain. Awesome. He told her all about where he's been and life’s all good—that is until Buttercup is sucked under into some hole that she didn’t see.

This is the Lightning Sand. Sometimes in writing you get stuck—and you don’t see it coming. In fact, you NEVER see it coming or you would fix it before it happened. You get to this place in a story where you realize it's not moving. The things that were happening aren't anymore. The direction is confused; motivations are off; there's this whole scene you didn't think of and now there's a hole. And "Crap, how do I fix this?"

When Buttercup falls into the sand, Westley fixes the problem immediately. He grabs on to a vine and jumps in. He saves Buttercup and pulls her out. But there’s this moment in the movie right after he jumps in, when you’re waiting and it’s silent. You’re waiting to see what will happen—and when you’re feeling the pressure Westley and Buttercup return to view! They are out of breath but safe!

In writing—there are two options: jump in and move things around so you make it good again OR wait. I can’t tell you what you should do, but I know what I do: I wait. Waiting sucks. I am completely impatient; I hate silence, problems that linger, and no ideas. Those things make me nervous. I've learned is that it’s better if you take a moment to connect with your story, to talk about it with someone else, to see what happens if…and maybe you’ll find a way out of the hole. The worst part about that is waiting, but sometimes YOU HAVE TO WAIT. Especially when it's for a good thing.

There are other kinds of sinkholes. Ah-ha! Thought you escaped that one because you're not stuck in your story? Well, sorry. Let's say it's something else. What about querying? Submissions? Revisions? You have to wait for those things too. There's always something that will put you in a position where you have to wait. At the very least, it's a red light or the next train--and the same rules apply. Waiting will always, most undoubtedly suck. But you have to be brave and believe.

My favorite thing about this scene with the lightning sand is the very next moment.

Buttercup: We’ll never succeed. We may as well die here.

Westley: No. We have already succeeded. What are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One: the flame spurts—but we know there’s popping sound before each one comes. Two: The lightning sand—and you just discovered what it looks like so we can avoid it next time.

Buttercup: What about the ROUSes?

Westley: Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.

Rodents of Unusual Size: Unexpected Struggles

Westley doesn't think they exist--and that's when one attacks him. Now, he has to fight it. It's survival. Westley or the ROUS.

This is the clincher. This is the part you never see coming. It’s the struggle, the stuff that comes AFTER you’ve fought all these other terrors. You get attacked from the outside. And you have to fight.

What do I mean by this? What are the ROUSes of writing? Everything.

Life is full of distractions. It's busy and you have to carve out time to write. You have to stay focused when there are thirteen things you need to do in the next hour. Distractions are a ROUS. But there are other things. A friend gets an opportunity that you don't. There's nothing happening in your inbox. You can't beat this scene. Someone else just signed a book exactly like yours. You have Shiny New ideas clawing away at your head.

All of these things are ROUSes. The ROUSes don’t want you to succeed; they want to consume. You must never let them. They are fighting for you. You can't stop fighting or you will lose. It's you or the ROUS. The hardest part of dealing with the ROUSes? Keeping up strength. Having hope. Staying sharp. Being patient. Believing. Believe in what Westley says—you’ve already succeeded if you’re this far because you’ve made it past all the other things.

Say you defeat the ROUS. Woo-hoo. Awesome. But don’t be fooled. There are many, many, many more things that you have to face. Just because the three terrors are past you doesn’t mean there aren’t more in front of you. Look at the movie. There are still kidnappers, an evil prince, a six-fingered man, torture, paralysis and a dual. It’s a constant battle. You can’t let your guard down for a second.

BUT in the end of the movie there’s happily ever after.

And when you're finished writing there's a book.

There's always something to show for all the pain, sinkholes and battle against ROUSes.

In fact, I saw this behind the scenes commentary piece about the Fire Swamp and someone said, “When you go in you don’t come out the same person.”

When you’re writing a book, it is going to change you. It will make you braver, make you stronger, give you hope, teach you more than you could ever imagine. Life will do the same thing.

The Princess Bride would be pretty boring without all the challenges, and if the characters didn’t have to fight for what they wanted. But they did. And so will you. In writing AND in life. Because this applies to both.

Be on guard. 
Be brave. 
Believe.
Don't be afraid of the Fire Swamp.