Hope is a Happy Thing

Hope is contagious. Hope is like yeast and baking powder. It has an energy that makes things rise. If you want to know if you are good for others, ask yourself how much hope you've given them. It is there you will find your answer.

Sr. Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB author of Seasons of the Heart 

Yesterday was the Boston Marathon and the Boston Globe reported that 21,963 ran in the race. Now, I'm not a runner so the idea of that many people pushing, training and preparing to run for fun is completely crazy to me. I can't even comprehend the amount of work it takes to prepare your body--and your brain--for running 26.2 miles. In the heat. With thousands of other people. But I'm sure, that the answer is a lot. But there's something I appreciate about it: it's people running toward their goals.


It's crazy in life how you wait, you yearn, you work whole-heartedly toward a goal and sometimes, you never really think that goal is going be accomplished. I bet yesterday, in the 87 degree weather, a bunch of those runners probably felt they were never going to make it. They probably wanted to quit--I have no doubt of that--but they didn't. Why not? Because they were in the midst of this goal that they've been preparing for and other people were succeeding around them. There's nothing that's more motivational than seeing other people succeed at the same goal you have.

They have this hope.

Now again, I'm not a runner. But I get what this whole thing is like because I am a writer. Writing is one of those things that so often feels like a far away, un-achievable goal. You train, you prepare, you practice, you get tips and helpful information everywhere--but there's still the doing, the trying, the waiting. The waiting in writing is the hardest part for most people.

But then, something good happens.

Maybe it's a spark of something. An encouraging word. A friend succeeding. Something that validates that what you are doing is worth something. It can be anything and it can be teeny tiny--but those things are the things that keep us hopeful. Like for me, only four days ago, I was so trapped in my own head that I couldn't make my WIP move forward. All it took was for me to stop being selfish and to approach things with a new perspective. It wasn't even my idea! That's a spark of something good and it gave me the ability to keep going.

This industry--especially for those in-between here and there--is not easy. It's not for the faint at heart or the impatient or the jealous. Those things will eat you alive. The only way to survive the bad things that want to tie you down, is to have hope.

My friend Cindy said to me today "I'm happy. I have hope. Hope is a happy thing."

And she's right. Hope is a happy thing.

You know what else hope is? It's contagious. The more we spread it around, the happier people will be while we are training or waiting or running and about to pass out.

Wherever you are in this race, if you are feeling tired or impatient or not good enough. If you want to turn around and quit before you even get to start, then say something to someone you trust. Maybe you will find some hope to keep going. If someone can one 26.2 miles in a few hours, you can do this too. Have hope.

I hope you come to find that which gives life a deep meaning for you. Something worth living for--maybe even worth dying for-- something that energizes you, enthuses you, enables you to keep moving ahead. 

 Ita Ford Maryknoll 

Hope is a happy thing. Pass it on.

This post is for writers

Go read this warm-up post. Right now.

It's a warm-up post about rules.

Did you read it? Go read it.

If you read it...go read the next one. It's the most amazing thing I've ever read. And I love the author of it because she's so wise.

Amazing post.

Wasn't it amazing? It was. I'm glad you read them.

Now tell me, what do you think about she said? Because I think there has been nothing truer I've heard in months.

Happy writing, writer friends.

The Slump

I've been in a slump lately. All month really. It's come and gone--but mostly it's stayed. It started with reading--nothing I liked even if I wanted to, no motivation to do it. Then it was edits and then writing. Then it's been work and waking up, and wondering if Boston will ever bring me friends that I can call to see Harry Potter with. My car died, my computer died (and got fixed! praise!), my cell phone shattered and the reading--did i mention the reading?

I'm not really sure what to do about it but I'm ready for it to leave for good. It's affecting everything, this thing that started as a single item (reading) and has somehow morphed to envelope multiple parts of my life. That got me thinking, "What does slump really mean?" So I looked on dictionary.com. These are the definitions I liked.  (Stick with me. I swear I have a point...and I'm not complaining. Swear.)

Slump

–verb (used without object)

1. to drop or fall heavily; collapse

2. to decline or deteriorate, as health, business, quality, or efficiency.

5. to sink into a bog, muddy place, etc., or through ice or snow.

6. to sink heavily, as the spirits.

–noun

7. a decrease, decline, or deterioration.

8. a period of decline or deterioration.

9. a period during which a person performs slowly, inefficiently, or ineffectively, esp. a period during which an athlete or team fails to play or score as well as usual.

10. a landslide or rockslide

I love these definitions; some of them are self-explanatory. Some of them don't really make sense in this context. But wait, they do. Let me explain. I picked #1 because that's what I want to do: collapse to the floor and cry, give up on everything, walk away. Then, #5: to sink into a bog, muddy place, etc., or through ice or snow. I have this expression that I've said since middle school. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and fighting, fighting to the surface but never making fully making it. When I read that, I had to keep it around. I've never associated the two but there it is in black and white. 

#6. to sink heavily, as the spirits. I'm not really sure what that's supposed to mean, but I call it discouragement. Sometimes, when you are in a slump, you don't have the energy to get out of it. The disappointments of not being able to do whatever you are trying makes you sink further down. #7-8 are basically the same but I like the notation that it's a period of and not forever. Sometimes it can feel like forever. 

I like the example in #9 more than the definition: "a period during which an athlete or team fails to play or score as well as usual." I can't read/write/find motivation as well as usual. Usually, it's all like breathing. It's part of me and I am lost without it. But this month-long slump is getting to me. Again, that this definition says it's a period.

Ok, those make sense now...but #10? A landslide or rockslide? Think of it as a shift. Things move from where they were and go somewhere else. It's a shift in foundation, in believe, in action. It makes people react, think, figure out a solution, wait. It's the process of seeing what will happen when everything is cleaned up because eventually, it will be cleaned up. Things will return where they are supposed to be and it will be a new day. The slump will be over. That will be a GOOD day. And on that day, that very good day that hopefully will come soon, #11 will happen.

11. New England Cookery: a dessert made with cooked fruit, esp. apples or berries, topped with a thick layer of biscuit dough or crumbs.

Why? Because it sounds like a great way to celebrate the end of a slump. Although, I don't know how to make that....maybe it will be a cupcake instead.

Do you have UDS?

I have this theory that I call Up Down Syndrome (UDS for short). UDS is the reality that something bad happens and is them followed by something good. It's a true experience & I think if you reflect in even the small things, you'll see its validity. example: you have a date & you don't bring an umbrella so it rains. Or, like me, you have a bid decision coming up & things don't pan out...them you get to have dinner with a NYT author:UDS.

You ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong? I'm talking absolutely horrible day when everything goes beyond wrong. I had that day yesterday. My car is now dead (blown head gasket.) My computer was sent away by the apple geniuses to a magical place for week long repairs (busted ram, new hard drive & operating system reinstall.) My phone charger snapped. I was exhausted, freaking out & completely unsure. I know things can be worse but it all happens at once and then it feels like the end...especially when I have 20 chapters to revise. W happens when you lose everything?

Well, if you suffer from UDS, then you have the luxury to hope for the Up. I know that when it occurs, it's going to be HUGE. Why? Because the down was huge. I know it may sound crazy but good things have to come after bad. If not, then there's no point to hope. I think the return is equal. I'm not gonna lose a dime and find ten bucks. I may find a quarter. This is how I cope. I've already seen some good. I have great people who are willing to help me get back and forth for my last two weeks at Borders. They have been encouraging and uplifting. Even my Tweeps.

another positive in this has been my writing. just last night, amidst the tears & freakout, I wrote an awesome scene. Like wrote wrote. With a pen. It was glorious. I'm excited to be semi-disconnected and I'm thankful for my phone, which is allowing to me wrote this post. My fingers hurt but now you know what UDS is.

Why write?

There's a question I get asked a lot by other people (and sometimes by myself) and when I hear it, I always cringe and want to hit him/her/self upside the head with a really big book. Nay, massive book. Now, let me paraphrase the conversation and you can tell me if it's similar to one you've had before.

Someone: What are you going to do with your life now? (Because being 23 and having a degree marks the beginning of the end and means I must know absolutely everything.)
Me: I want to write.
Someone: Write. *pause* What do you want to write? Like books or other stuff
Me: Books
Someone: Oh. *pause* What kind? 
Me: Young Adult paranormal. 
Someone: Ah. *pause* (note the change from "oh" to "ah" and the remaining pause) Like Twilight, vampires and stuff? 
Me: Well, there's a lot more to it than just Twilight and vampires, but yes...like that. 
(This is where he/she usually looks at me, head tilted slightly to the right or a shifting of the feet and one of the following statements occur...And yes, I have heard all of them.) 
Someone: Is there money in that?
Are books still going to be around?
Why would you want to do that? There's more opportunity in other kinds of writing.
(my favorite) That's ambitious. Do you think you are good enough to actually get published?
(the all encompassing response) You have to be really good to be successful and make any money. I wouldn't want to do that unless I had something to fall back on. It's hard to get published.

(Insert massive book against head here.) No, kidding. Usually, I don't respond because sometimes saying nothing is better than being horribly mean.

I share that not because I'm angry at anyone or because I'm upset by it. I share it because it happens all the time--and I have found that it is by people who think they know but haven't been in my life in five years. The people that really know me--my close friends, my community, my family--are typically more encouraging. Why? Because they know me. They've seen me have conversations with the voices in my head. They've heard me talk about books or writing or movies with passion. They've read something I've written or sat with me at 2 am while I cried about what I would do with my life. They see the change that has happened since I opened myself up to this and stopped running like a scared little girl. They are really the only ones that matter.

But it is hard when people point out all of the doubts that you already have. It is a tough industry. You do have to be good. It isn't a glamorous, here's buckets of money gig unless you are someone like Stephanie Meyer---and well, most of us probably won't be. If you think you're different than all these statements, I would encourage you to really, really think about why you are writing. Really. If not for me or for yourself, then for your readers and fellow writers. I've said before that writing is a community and if I was in something for the wrong reasons (like I was once in high school when I wanted to be the leader of something so badly but for the title and not for the right reasons), I would want someone to call me out on it. I would want someone to have it that wanted it for the right reasons.

Because if I was in this for money I would've quit a long time before I started because there's isn't money when you aren't published. There also isn't prestige or an easy ride to a publishing house. There are tears and words and revisions and characters yelling at you and encouragement and not much sleep and rejections. It's so hard that it's important to know why you want to do what you are doing. Life is too short to be passionless or moving purposelessly.

Why do I write?

Because I love it. There is nothing like creating something from nothing, nothing like mixing emotions with words and taking these snapshots of a life and putting them out there. It's something kinda beautiful.

Because not writing would kill me.

Because even if I'm never more than a blogger who reads books and tweets and writes for myself, I'll still love it. I'll still always write.

Because it's a part me. And we have a history. It's like that line in Wuthering Heights: "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." I'm talking about writing but the sentiment is the same.


Because there is this hope that I cling to that everything in life has a purpose--we just have to discover it and then pursue it fervently.

Because words are powerful. So powerful. And I have a story to tell and I want it to be the best story I can tell. The best.

Because I love stories. They have changed me, shaped me, challenged and taught me. I have laughed and cried and seen others do the same.

And because I have one goal that is two words: one person. For me, the blogging, the interviews, the lack of sleep, the discouragement and the encouragement, the failing, the discovery, the possible success has that one goal. If one person reads something and is helped or encouraged or challenged--if something changes them or relates to them or makes them see something in a new light--then I have achieved my life's goal to write something valuable for one person. Sometimes that one person may be myself--and I'm okay with that.

So please, for the sake of good stories and lives and powerful words, ask yourself this question and answer it honestly: why write?

"I'm a reflection of the community."

I’m BIG on community. I love it. I love having people who know me, really know me, who like me for the crazy, lost, random, indecisive me that I am. I need encouragement, acceptance, love, freedom--and I need it from people who know me. M. Scott Peck once said, "There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community." If he was right, then community, literally, is a circle. In both definition and action.

I feel as if I have always been on the search for true community, even before I knew what it was I was looking for. I needed people who were the same yet different, who were bonded with me over something. I think that all of us, every single person, longs for some form of community. We search for it in clubs and friends, in jobs, in churches, in teams, on Facebook, in chat rooms. (I can continue but I wont. You get it.) There are some who find it in these places and some who don't. There are some, and I fall into this category, who have glimmers of it--but glimmers do not a whole picture make.

Eventually, after a couple long and trying years, I got tired of searching. When I did, something fantastic happened: I met Myra McEntire. We lived in the same city at the time and she came into my Borders. Through some random things, I started talking to her. I remember that I said to her, "I'm a writer. I just started working on a YA novel...I've been looking for people to connect with." She smiled, grabbed my arm and said something that I had no idea would impact my life as it has. Her words: "Are you on Twitter? Get on Twitter." I had Twitter but I didn't know what I had until she talked to me.

Apparently, there’s a world full of young adult authors and bloggers on twitter—and they will talk to you, answer questions, encourage, connect. What is the crazy world!???!? Now, it's August, my sixth month of YA life on Twitter, and I am blown away by it. Not Twitter itself but the people. Oh my gosh the people.

I have never seen a community like this. It is the most incredible group of people, people who genuinely care about each other, who pour out their lives, hearts, time, wisdom to help others learn and grow. I’m in it. I tell my best friend that it is my social life and, in a way, it is. I have developed relationships with amazing people who have changed me with their words, their laughter, their encouragement—and I haven’t even met most of them. I'm not sure what it is exactly that makes this community so incredible. Maybe it simply that you share something you are passionate about. Passion is easy to bond over. And when that passion is writing, or reading, that bond is remarkable.

The YA community is the most amazing thing I’ve ever been part of. I know that I have an immense purpose for being part of it (stumbling into it, really!) And my biggest advice to anyone pursing anything in writing (especially in the YA world) is to get on Twitter and connect. It sounds weird--and I get that--but I also know that I've had amazing coffees, dinners, cupcakes, conversations, encouragement and all-around support with amazing people, who are the authors and bloggers and readers on Twitter.


I was trying to figure out what to call this post. Then I found the title quote by...ahem...Tupac (2pac or Tupac Shakur, if you prefer). Random but fitting. Why?

Because I AM a reflection of the community.

I would've never made it this far without every single person who has reached out to me. I hope that I reflect them well. I also hope that you feel the same. I hope that the YA community on Twitter is your social life, your family, your friends. And if so, reflect them well. If we do, the next generation of YA writers will have something to believe in and they will pass it on because community is a circle.

SO excited

The evening of emotional disappointment was counter-acted today after a breakfast with my family and talks of finally getting a new car. Glory.

To make it even better--probably the best EVER better--I got my first ARC in the mail. *insert many types of squeals* It is DESIRES OF THE DEAD by Kimberly Derting, the 2011 sequel to THE BODY FINDER. It's so exciting for a few reasons.

1. I feel important enough to be given an ARC. Maybe it's not a big deal to most but it IS a big deal--especially since it follows the aforementioned vlog.

2. I loved TBF.

3. It's SO early, considering it's not released til March 11.

4. It's encouraging. This for all the other reasons I listed, but more because it gives me hope. I need all of that I can get.

Difficult Dreams

Today, I'm plagued with insecurity. Can I really do this? There are so many people who have already done it, who are farther along in this process than I am. What if no one likes my story? What if there is no chance I will ever get an agent or worse get one and then spend years never getting published--just being tossed back and forth? I couldn't handle that. Is it worth it?

Yes. I mean, it's hard sure. And I'm insecure right now, frustrated by what I'm not doing, by how quickly things are not moving with the story. And my, how I change things every day. It is all a lot to figure out. Yet. Yet I can't imagine not doing it. I had a late start to this. It took my a while to figure out it was my dream. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean I have something to prove. It only means that I have to work harder and write.

I am literally, starting from nothing. That's all writing is: a thought or an idea and a blank page. Then, you put those ideas on the page. You have nothing when you start and something when you finish.

Not one author friend that I have out there has EVER said it was easy. In fact, they have all expressed the difficulty of this dream. They have all also expressed the joy of the craft. The acceptance that comes with failure. The freedom in the words finally being out of your head. The people that you meet along the way.

To me, no matter what is happening right now and no matter how much I feel like I can't do this, that is worth it. The truth is that I can do this. Dreams aren't easy. When we are kids we think they are. We can be whatever we want to be. No one tells us how it hard is going to be. If they did, we wouldn't dream. Even faith is lined with difficulty. But at the end of all those things there is something beautiful.

Difficult dreams make for exuberant rewards. Those rewards may be small accomplishments that feel like the world but I keep saying it's going to be worth it.

Am I scared? YES. Is this hard? YES.

But I am not alone. There are so many people who keep me going--some who I've never really met. I have encouragement in my difficult dream and that makes me want it even more. For them. For those who said (and will say) I can't. For those who will be affected by what I write. And for me. Definitely for me.